“When are you getting married?”
The earliest I remember being asked that question was way before I had an interest in dating, and years before I’d have a relationship close to leading to marriage.
I was a bit of a sassy kid, and told her I didn’t need, or want, a guy.
Even as a kid, I saw the question as incredibly rude and presumptuous.
Why was it this woman’s business if I was getting married? Why was I asked about my marital status when she asked my brothers about their ball game?
It would be the first introduction I had to people pressuring me to get married, or to have children. (That’s a rant for a different day, though.) The fact that my worth as a person is linked to my marital status, and I’m somehow lesser than of a person because I’m single in my 20s is ridiculous.
I used to laugh it off when people asked me this question, or say they’d be the first to know if it ever happens.
One day, I asked myself: why am I answering these people? Why do I feel the need to justify being single to strangers?
I quickly realized I don’t care if people have a problem with me being single, and stopped answering their questions altogether.
The pressure to get married intensifies as women get older, and the questions from complete strangers frustrates me.
I don’t feel the need to get married, or to justify my lack of a husband. Why does it matter to people? My guy friends rarely get this question, and some were surprised at the pressure I’ve told them I’ve experienced.
As little girls, it’s all programmed into us to dream about our wedding day. To imagine our Prince Charming, and to search far and wide for “the one.” I remember marrying my Barbie dolls to my brother’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures, and pairing the rest of my toys together as husband and wife.
I realize my rant may make it seem like I’m anti-marriage, but I’m not.
My parents have been married for almost 30 years, and I hope to one day find someone I care about enough to take that step with.
But, that doesn’t mean I’m missing out by not being married this instant. There isn’t something wrong with me because I don’t want to be a wife right now. I don’t feel the need to explain myself. All the question does is anger me.
The world isn’t going to explode if I never get married, and there’s nothing wrong with me for not wanting to have a husband.
Just like there isn’t something wrong with people who are happily married that are the same age as me, or the people who end up divorced.
Marriage isn’t the end all event of our lives, but simply an event some do that others don’t.
My advice: quit asking women when they’re getting married, and stop assuming we all want to get married. Some of us are perfectly happy single, or simply dating the person we may or may not spend the rest of our life with.
