In a recent interview with British Vogue, actress Emma Watson discussed the societal pressure about a woman being single in her late 20s.
She said, “If you haven’t built a home, if you don’t have a husband, if you don’t have a baby, and you’re turning 30, and you’re not in some incredibly secure, stable place in your career, or you’re still figuring things out… There’s just this incredible amount of anxiety.”
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She later went onto coin the term self-partnered, which she described as herself being comfortable and happy being single.
As a single, 20-something who’s basically just starting out in their career, Watson’s words really spoke to me.
After a particularly bad break up a few years ago, I decided to focus on myself and not go into another relationship until I was genuinely happy on my own. It didn’t seem entirely right for me to ask someone for their heart when I wasn’t ready to give them my own, and I’ve been fine with that decision since.
Although it’s never bothered me, a lot of people I talk to seem to have an issue with my decision. I do feel that pressure Watson described as I near my 30th birthday to find a man, get married, and have babies. But, that isn’t because it’s something that I truly want.
Do I see all of that in my future? Probably.
Am I going to fret and worry that my best years are behind me if I’m not married by the time I’m in my 30s? No.
I wasn’t even old enough to actually get married when people started asking me when I was going to settle down, and it always bothered me that there was a double standard when it came to men and women who were single as they got older. Men are considered eligible bachelors if they’re single later on in life, while women are called spinsters whose greatest years are behind them.
I’ve also never heard a guy worry about his marital status, or have someone bother him about it when he’s not in a relationship. If people don’t care when men are getting married, why do they worry so much about women?
If I choose to get married one day, then I’ll do it on my own terms with someone that I’m truly happy with. I’d rather spend the time getting to know someone than rush into something just because society is worried I’m living my life the way it thinks I should.
For now, I’m self-partnered and I’m totally okay with that.
